I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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