You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
