there's paper in my vomit.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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