why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
