I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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