my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
