Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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