He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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