you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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