We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
