So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
