I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
