You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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