guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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