I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
