When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
