She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
