The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
