So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
