The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
as a side note pls kill me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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