Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
