Jerry, you need to find god
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
