i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
