She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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