Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
