after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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