Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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