hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she looked like the before picture.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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