What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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