Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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