The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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