i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
