So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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