There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
