i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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