Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
