Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
