and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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