who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
