I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
