Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your cock deserves a montage
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
