I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
