this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
