Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
