So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
