my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
