She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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