just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
