I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
