Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
