My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
