Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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