i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
