"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
