Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
