She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
