He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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